5 Things You Should NEVER Do During Divorce  

There is an endless amount of advice for you out there about how to best traverse the divorce process, but very little about what you shouldn't do. The divorce process can be stressful, risky and very confusing so it's essential to become educated around the things that can make your situation worse.

Here are a five things you should never do when going through divorce.

Don't tell everyone you meet the details of your marital breakup.

There's nothing more satisfying then sharing the dirty details of your marital ending with friends, family and even strangers. It's almost a compulsion to divulge information, but you'll most likely end up regretting that you've shared. This is because you can never undo something you say, and what you feel initially is never the same as what you'll experience once things calm down. Find one or two people you can trust in the beginning, and when things become more clear you can broaden your circle.

Don't ask your children about your Ex and his/her life.
It's tempting to pry into your Ex's life through your children. Feeling left out and in the dark are normal experiences through divorce, but your children are not spies. It's alright to ask how their time was and if they enjoyed themselves, but questions that are over their head or unrelated to their experience should be off limits. You want them to feel safe and trusting, and you certainly don't want to put them in the middle of the mess.

 

Don't use the divorce process as a tool for revenge.
So many people drag their divorces out spending unnecessary money and wasting time just because they're trying to make it difficult. This is not the place to seek revenge or act out. It only hurts you to make the process difficult so it's essential to find an outlet for your anger and frustration that's more productive. The faster you move through the logistics and finances the quicker you'll move on with your life. This is not the place to make a statement.

 

Don't neglect your health and wellbeing
Weight loss is often a favorite consequence of divorce, but it's always due to stress and anxiety. The body is very depleted when under a huge amount of stress and many people become ill or develop chronic problems. This is a time to support yourself both physically and mentally by making dietary shifts toward healthy foods and practicing self-care. The nervous system is dependent on healthy fats and nutrient rich foods, and the mind needs a break from the looping thoughts and negative thinking. Eat well, breathe deeply, walk outside and surround yourself with things you love.

Don't expect your Ex to be the same person.
Divorcing people seem to be shocked by their ex's behavior post-divorce. It would be nice if our ex's could be consistent and reliable through the transition, but more often than not they turn into a completely different person. Expect that everything changes after a marriage ends, and that includes the relationship, the person you're dealing with and how you are treated. There is no reason to add unnecessary suffering to your situation especially with things that go well beyond your control. 

Remember to be forgiving of yourself, and try to minimize self-judgement around anything you've done or will do when it comes to divorce. No one is good at this kind of transition so expecting to stumble and make mistakes is essential. There are no right answers, just move forward with the best of intentions and you'll do just fine.

Andra Brosh, Ph.D., BCHN